Kanye West & Jay-Z’s N***** in Paris was one of 2011’s most enjoyable songs, despite the crude title. It’s easily the standout of their good, if not great, event-album Watch The Throne. But the bizarre idea of combining two Blades of Glory samples into one hip-hop song works thanks to an infectious beat and some clever wordplay throughout. It’s an instant party song. Not that I’d know, as none of my friends have ever loudly sung and danced on video to this. None of them.
(OK, I’m lying to you. But at least it’s not as bad as that guy on the subway. Note: I originally posted the video, but on second thought, we’re gonna leave that one alone. Google it if you’re really curious.)
Anyway, nothing could temper my musical enjoyment for N***** in Paris. Or so I thought. But then my darkest enemy came along to try and do his very best. That man has a name. What this name is, I do not know. But he also has a stage name. And that name – is Pitbull.
Pitbull and I are sworn enemies, like Batman and The Joker, like the Yankees and Red Sox, like Dennis Rodman and natural hair color. The only difference is Pitbull doesn’t realize this yet. I’d actually venture a guess that he doesn’t even know I exist. But my hatred for this man’s music runs high. Ever since Yankees outfielder Melky Cabrera used that horrible I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) song as his at-bat music, Pitbull and I have been positioned on opposite sides of the coin – me with my iTunes of good music, he with his world-destroying freestyles ranging from horrible to…well, horrible.
So when I realized Pitbull had put a spin on Kanye and Jay’s hit, calling his remix Latinos in Paris, and even shooting a video in – wait for it – Paris (!), I knew I had to review it. To save you good people that I consider friends, family, or people. So here goes nothing.
The song starts with the hook “Flow so hard that chico get crazy, ese chico esta loco.” Aha! It’s the Pitbull Spanglish technique! This is when Pitbull decides to rap in two different languages, thus pleasing both his American and Latino fans, who both willingly ignore the overall idiocy of the lyrics. Plus, Americans who don’t know Spanish will probably sing the Spanish lyrics louder, because let’s face it, Spanish is a cooler-sounding language. Smart move by Pitbull here with the inclusion of the word “loco” as well. That will subconsciously remind Americans of the classic hit “Livin La Vida Loca,” with only one letter change.
(Wait, am I the only one who thinks that’s a classic? Um…let’s move on.)
The song then moves on to Item Two of the Pitbull checklist – the one where he screams “Mr. Worldwide!” or “It’s a Worldwide!” or whatever the hell he says. I consulted Yahoo! Answers for this, because it is a legitimate source of journalism, and here’s what I found.
“He clearly thinks a lot of himself or maybe coz the shape of his head resembles the shape of the world…”
Of course! Pitbull has a head that is round, and the world is round! Why didn’t I think of that? Please start referring to me as “Mr. Plutowide” from now on.
Item Three of the Pitbull checklist – lyrics that make no sense! Consider.
Catch a chico in Paris
Getting money like Arabs
This is selective cherry-picking by the Bull here. Yes, some Arabs have a great deal of money. But it certainly runs the gamut. To quote Wikipedia: “The economic development in the Arab League exhibits a great diversity. There is a significant difference between, on the one hand, the rich oil states of the UAE, Qatar, Kuwait, and Bahrain, and on the other hand, the poor countries like the Comoros, Mauritania and Djibouti.” I’m guessing they won’t be bumping this remix in Mauritania. Just a hunch. Next!
(Note: lyrics sites will tell you he says “arrows” here and not “Arabs.” I’ve listened to that part ten times, and it’s definitely Arabs.)
“I’m allergic to the fake, I’m from the land of cake”
Typing “fake allergy” into WebMD.com gets me just 12 results, none of which are applicable here. But the second claim? Pitbull is from Cuba, definitely not the “land of cake.” In fact, a quick Google search reveals that Scotland is known as the “Land of Cakes.” Granted, I haven’t yet heard Pitbull’s Scottish accent, so we can probably dismiss this claim. Next!
But now the clips they pop,
pop pop pop pop pop bill
think they won’t, they will when they just die in the kill
Thus concludes the Pitbull portion of the song.
However – there’s another guy on this! His name is Sensato, and he gets the second verse, where he raps about as quickly as Cory Gunz on “6 Foot 7 Foot.” The only difference – I liked that song. This freestyle is about 95% in Spanish, so I couldn’t tell you anything he says except for the following words: “Mother******,” “find me,” and “Miami.” In a revelation to all English-speakers, “find me” and “Miami” apparently rhyme! Who knew? I think I also hear “Toronto” in there, which makes sense, because Toronto is a city, and so is Paris.
As for the video? It’s partially directed by Pitbull, which is somewhat impressive, I suppose. Of course, the video consists of just about nothing but concert footage and the two dancing in front of the Eiffel tower. So never mind. Thankfully, the song clocks in at around the 2:40 mark, and no longer, which is the most positive thing I can say here.