I don’t want to be TMZ here. And I couldn’t care less about most celebrity gossip nonsense. But there are three celebrity scenarios (non-sports or film division) that automatically deserve at least the thought of reviewing:
1. The involvement of Jay-Z
2. The involvement of Tim Tebow in a non-sports-related way
3. A child being named after a color
Amazingly enough, today brings a chance to discuss two of the three! (And let’s be honest, there’s probably a way to bring Tim Tebow into the conversation.)
Unless you’ve been living under a rock – or as my friend David Suntup might say, under a cave – you know that Beyonce and Jay-Z had a baby, a girl named Blue Ivy Carter.
I know this because I have two things – a girlfriend and the Internet. Now part of me feels bad reviewing someone else’s baby’s name for a few reasons:
– I don’t know what I’d name any hypothetical kids.
– I hate doing the whole celebrity gossip thing.
– What if Beyonce and Jay-Z read this blog and hate me forever? Granted, the odds are 1,000,000,000,000,010,032-1 that this would ever happen. But hey, stranger things have happened, such as Tim Tebow throwing for 316 yards and an 80-yard touchdown on the first play of overtime in his first playoff game against the league’s top-rated pass defense while completing just ten passes.
(We pause here for a quick aside.)(Wait for it.)
(Wait for it…)
(We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.)But I digress. I honestly have no idea why anyone would name a child “Blue,” which is a first name I have literally never heard. On the Rainbow Scale of Potential Names, I would place Blue fourth. (1. Violet, 2. Red, 3. Indigo, 4. Blue, 5. Green, 6. Yellow, 7. Orange. Not that you asked.) At least there is some precedent for Blue in other ways. For instance, some people have the last name Blue, such as Vander Blue on Marquette’s basketball team. Some people have the nickname “Blue,” such as that guy from Old School.
But the first name Blue? I’m racking my brains trying of think of something, and the only thing popping into my head is “Blue Radley.” So give Jay and ‘ce points for creativity and originality. And I’d have to bet Jay-Z’s three “Blueprint” albums and/or his song “Blue Magic” have something to do with this one. But I feel the slightest bit bad for the kid, though, granted, she could be named “Gronkopolis” or “Hufflepuffaluffle” and still have millions more money than I will ever see. Imagine going through life with the following:
– Hearing constant chants of “you’re my girl, Blue!”
– Having everyone play that damn Eiffel 65 song around you.
– Being asked “How’re you feeling, Blue?” To which you might angrily respond “WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I’M FEELING DOWN?” before realizing that, in fact, is your first name.
– Hoping not to screw anything up. “Girl, you really blew it! Get it? Blew? Blue? Sounds the same, right? Funny, right?”
Either way, Jay-Z and Beyonce have earned the right to name their kid whatever they damn well please. But next time, they might want to go up the Rainbow Name Scale.