I haven’t had soda since I was around the age of five. (OK, straight soda…I’m not counting a rum and coke.) Why do I remember this so vividly? I have no idea. I was somewhere in a New York City warehouse for some reason, for some short film or something that one of my cousins was directing or producing or something. As you can tell, this is probably the least detailed story you will ever hear. All I remember is the warehouse and the cup of diet Coke from McDonald’s that my mom gave me. I hated it. Far from quenching my thirst, it repelled it. And I’ve stayed away from the carbonated creations since. This turned me into that kid at birthday parties who would take a cup and sneak off to the water fountain, rather than indulge in one of the seven bottles of Coke or Sprite. (You know what I’m talking about.)
But I couldn’t resist Alex Rosenthal’s gloriously random Facebook request to review Blue Raspberry Mountain Dew. I have never had any sort of Mountain Dew. Not even the Mountain Dew-flavored Slurpees at 7-Eleven, and trust me, I made a living at the Slurpee machine in high school. (How was I a good runner again?) But off I trudged after work to my local CVS to pick up a bottle of carbonated sugary death. As George Santayana said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. ”
(I have heard about 1,000 different versions of this quote, and I have no idea who George Santayana is, though he makes me want to sing Black Magic Woman. But wikiquote says this is so, and so it must be.)
[Other possible Santayana-themed songs:
– Santayana Claus is Coming To Town
– Don’t You Wanna, Santa-yana (sung to the tune of the Fanta theme song)
– That’s really it, I just wanted to say the Fanta thing.
So I don’t know if Blue Raspberry Mountain Dew exists or not, but the closest thing the CVS had was something called “Mountain Dew: VOLTAGE.” This, of course, immediately reminds me of Powerthirst.
Anyway, it’s blue, and it says “charged with raspberry citrus flavor and ginseng.” Close enough. (By the way, what the hell does ginseng taste like?) This is close enough, because I don’t care to go searching for the totally precise flavor of this drink I imagined I would not like due to its carbonating nonsense.
…it’s not that bad! As much as I dislike soda, the carbonation in this thing, for one, is not overbearing. Secondly, the flavor is just tremendous. (I should mention that I’m a blue raspberry nut – and to hearken back to the Slurpees for a second, that is the only flavor I will drink if it is an option.) The mix of the raspberry, citrus and whatever the hell ginseng tastes like totally works. The drink also gets props for having a sweet lightning bolt-logo thing. The more a drink can remind me of Powerthirst, the better off it is. This rule of thumb also applies to everything else in the world.
I exceeded my wildest expectations by drinking two glasses of this. I now plan to give the rest to someone who actually likes soda. But next time I find myself at the bowling alley for a birthday party – I may be able to shy away from the water fountain. Just this once.