TV Spot Review: GI Joe – Retaliation

I don’t want to spoil your Super Bowl party by revealing the most astonishing 30 seconds of the game ahead of time – but if you really don’t mind being spoiled for one of the likely Acamdey Award winners for every category next year, read on.

OK, I’m just kidding…this is a Super Bowl TV spot for GI Joe: Retaliation, which simultaneously manages to look like both the best and worst thing ever.

Let’s review the greatness and horrid-ness of this TV spot:

Pros

1. The Rock quotes Jay-Z.

2. The Rock’s general presence.

3. Bruce Willis.

4. The Rock.

5. The Rock quotes Jay-Z.  In case that wasn’t clear, this happens in an actual movie that is made by actual people.

Cons

1. The Rock quotes Jay-Z.  The trailer then willingly follows with the same exact Jay-Z lyrics that The Rock quoted.

2. The Rock makes terrible movies.

3. Bruce Willis makes terrible movies.

4. In case it wasn’t clear, THE ROCK QUOTES JAY-Z IN THIS TRAILER.  AND SAYS THAT HE IS QUOTING JAY-Z.  THE FILM ACTUALLY SEEMS TO HAVE ZERO PROBLEM WITH THIS.

5. It is directed by Stephen Sommers.  (Actually, no it’s not, but it’s a sequel to a Stephen Sommers movie.)

6. It is a GI Joe movie.

7. None of the action scenes seem to be shot straight.

8. Seriously, it’s a GI Joe movie.

9. There appears to be a GI Joe takeover of the White House.  This was an actual thing written by an actual person claiming to be an actual scriptwriter.  Let that sink into your head for a second.

I don’t want to write anything anymore because I’m in Syracuse and I have things to do.  And I don’t know how to grade this, because it looks like the most awfully awesome or awesomefully awful thing of all-time.

Enjoy the Super Bowl.  Go Giants.

Grade: A/F

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