My Failing Sleep Patterns

My goal is to make it through today’s blog post without falling asleep, even though I have no intention of falling asleep.  This is ironic, because last night, I couldn’t fall asleep for about two-and-a-half hours, which is the point of today’s blog post.  My sleep patterns are a total mess right now, and for the sake of me no longer being in college, they need to return to some kind of normalcy.  Will they?  To be determined.  I’d wager that I’ve been going to sleep around 1:00 AM on average these days.  Why don’t I know the answer for sure?  Probably because once you move past midnight, time becomes a total blur.  At that point, I’m already up too late, so I might as well stay up another hour!

Woo, sleeplessness!

There are plenty of people who like to work late at night.  I’m not one of them.  In fact, time seems to both slog and fly by simultaneously late at night.  It moves slowly because your brain’s been turned into a heap of molasses, but it flies by because you haven’t done anything productive for an hour and then, oh, it’s 1:30!  How the hell did this happen?  I have quite literally no idea where all the time goes during most of these nights, and if you asked me what I was doing the next morning, I likely wouldn’t have an answer for you, either.

Sure, there are plenty of things I could do: finish up Breaking Bad or Archer on Netflix, continue writing a script I’m working on or a blog post, watch back a game I’ve recently announced, do a crossword puzzle, read a book, play my keyboard…and yet, late at night, I end up doing none of these things.  Where am I?  What am I doing?  Why am I doing it?

This, of course, leads to one of two things: a) an early wake up, after which I feel exceedingly tired or b) a late wake up after getting eight-plus hours of sleep.  While Option B sounds more appealing, it’s really not, because waking up at 10:00 or later just feels awful.  In fact, I sometimes have a harder time getting out of bed if I’ve slept for eight hours.  This should make more sense.

Good excuse to use my favorite picture in the world.

Every now and then, however, I actually decide to whip myself in gear and get to bed on time.  Last night was one of those nights.  I realized at about 10:20 that I was sufficiently tired, and at 10:30, headed to sleep. What a glorious idea!  I finished a Monday crossword puzzle on my iPad in 10 minutes or so while lying in bed, and soon after that, my head hit the pillow.  And soon after that…I continued to not fall asleep.  Hmm.

I suppose I couldn’t go to sleep last night because my sleep patterns are so drastically screwed up at the moment – in fact, I’d wager good money that’s the reason.  But it took about two-and-a-half hours before I inevitably went out.  I tossed, I turned, I changed sides of my pillow, I tried two other pillows – none of it worked.  I went into the bathroom just to move around for a bit, I read 150 pages of a book hoping that each chapter would be my last – none of it worked.  I’m not sure what more I could have done, save take a couple of sleeping pills, which I don’t own.

But I suppose this was some karmic act from the sleep gods, punishing me for my insolent nighttime behavior.  It was especially brutal because I’m a supremely heavy sleeper.  Once I’m out, I’m out.  Just ask my parents – after my first night up at college during freshman year, when the families were still on campus, they couldn’t wake me up the next morning, no matter how hard they knocked or how many times they called my phone.  Was I out particularly late?  No.  Was I drinking?  Not for another three-plus years.  But they had to get a key from the dorm’s front desk, because my body had just decided that I wasn’t getting up for anything or anyone.

Armed with the knowledge that I’d be going into a typically deep sleep once I actually, well, stopped being awake, I was actually excited to get to bed last night.  Haggard and exhausted tonight, we’ll try it again.  Maybe the fact that I gave it a shot counts for something when my brain decides to shut down, no?


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