I simply could not ignore a video deemed by former blog contributor Dan Kaplan to have “the worst use of green screen since The Room”, so like back-broken Bruce Wayne in The Dark Knight Rises**, Kevin Reviews Things rises from the ashes yet again. Let’s play ball!
(**with fewer plot holes)
0:00 – Before we go any further, let me say that I do legitimately like this song. It’s classic AC/DC, which is to say it sounds like all other AC/DC songs: opening guitar riff, basic, churning drum track, bass guitar which probably exists, Brian Johnson howling about some sexually charged metaphor, rockin’ bluesy guitar solo, name of song repeated in chorus to extent where you could easily use song title as a basis for a drinking game.
0:02 – …and all that praise aside, here now is a television being used as a bowling pin.
0:03 – OH MY GOODNESS THAT GREEN SCREEN. This looks exactly like the karaoke scene from Community, only with less piano-playing Pierce Hawthorne. (A regrettable exclusion.)
0:12 – A suggestion to those looking to temper the effects of bad green-screening: a) do not play on an entirely-green screened STAGE and b) definitely do not shoot from an overhead position down onto the green-screened stage, lest we think the band is just playing on a cloud.
0:15 – In the span of seven seconds, we have gone from girls in underwear and eye black playing football to a nun kicking around one of those giant, all-purpose balls you find in a $2.50 bin at Walmart. Clearly, this video is parodying the double standards by which we hold women in society and speaking openly and honestly about the equally positive and adverse effects of Title IX in our societyoh who am I kidding it’s AC/DC they just want to drink and play guitar
0:18 – “POUR ME ANOTHER ROOOOOOUND”
I believe this is known as the “Triple Angus”.
0:37 – Random stock footage of girl bicycle-kicking soccer ball in somebody’s backyard, because WE HAVE ALREADY RUN OUT OF IDEAS MORE LYRICS ABOUT DRINKING
0:37 – “DRINKS ON THE ROUND, I’M IN THE MOOD”
Honest question – when writing a new album, do you think Brian Johnson just looks up all the lyrics from Back in Back and simply re-arranges the words?
0:40 – Our first of what will be several shots of billiards in the video. Billiards – the one sport to which “play ball” is not an applicable term.
0:47 – The green screen is used to show a soccer ball colliding with a bikini-clad girl’s rear end. Because subtlety.
0:51 – Seven consecutive shots of women in various states of “playing ball”, mostly with said women in bikinis, comes to an end. I have to imagine Angus Young won the argument leading to this particular directorial choice.
1:02 – Brian Johnson air guitar?
Brian Johnson air guitar.
1:05 – Dozens of shirtless guys running into a giant squishy egg-like thing?
Dozens of shirtless guys running into a giant squishy-egg like thing.
1:09 – A random shot of a college (?) football player from some nameless university fumbling a punt, which is perhaps the most surprising inclusion in the video, as it does not feature a woman, is not especially comedic and does not feature a woman.
1:18 – More lyrics about gin, more shots of nuns, more shots of women balancing on balls…OK, we seem to have settled into a pattern here.
1:25 – WAIT WHAT
This elephant, coincidentally, will now be AC/DC’s new drummer.
1:34 – A soccer player drills another one in the face with a ball. We’ll wait for the accompanying shot of him being let back in the game under the new concussion standards.
This is what Inception would look like if directed by Angus Young.
1:55 – Brian Johnson scumbles (scowls/mumbles) something in some heathen language from his imagination.
“The ruling on the field is that the runner went out of bounds before touching the football.”
2:10 – I count six separate jump cuts in this guitar solo. Angus Young would have never passed any basic college photography class.
2:23 – I’ve become desensitized enough to the point where I’m not even fazed that a giant ball is crushing a man driving some sort of old-timey Model-T/dune-buggy combination. Maybe that was the point of this whole exercise. Extreme desensitization.
2:31 – …nah, just kidding, this was the point.
Never change, AC/DC. Never change.
Grades: F (for intentional comedy)
A (for unintentional comedy)
F (for feminism)
A (for AC/DC-ness)